I am still sitting in how I write specifically about grief. I can’t right now. It is all so huge and new and overwhelming. I know that each morning when I wake up, the first thing I think of is Hannah. I usually say to myself, “oh, Hannah.”
It is the same at night. I have been staying up late, alone. I used to have the late night time with H, when I would get her to sleep, and try to sneak her up to her crib in our room. Inevitably she would wake up and start making sounds – loud enough that she’d wake Greg who was sleeping, preparing for another day at work. I’d say, “oh, Hannah…” and we’d go back downstairs to eat a little more. These were usually her delicious apple sauce feedings. We would both go to bed an hour or two later, smelling of sweet apples, usually my shoulders sticky from her cuddles and drool.
While I was pregnant with Hannah, my friend Robin and her family lost their beloved son Matthew to illness. It was sudden for them, and heartbreaking. I remember going to his memorial, and there were hundreds of people spilling out of the sanctuary, all there to somehow try to care for themselves and the family. I will never forget the Grateful Dead playing at the end of the memorial. I think Jerry would have liked it.
While I can’t write of grief, my friend Robin can and is doing so beautifully on her blog. Robin has recently started her blog and I already love it. I see how Grief and Gratitude go together – they are really linked together when we think about the core of being human – feeling compassion. Feeling vulnerable. Thank you Robin.